Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Welcome to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we explore the science and strategies behind creating a happier, more fulfilling life. I'm Teriann Richards and I partner with organizations to address the root causes of burnout, disengagement, and stress. Equipping leaders and teams with the tools they need to thrive, both organizationally and personally. Each episode we dive into practical habits, insights, and strategies to help high performers like you level up from the inside out. Let's get stacking.
[00:00:33] All right, let me start with a line that most of us learned as kids.
[00:00:42] Don't judge a book by its cover.
[00:00:45] Most people treat that as a moral lesson.
[00:00:51] Be nice, be fair, be open minded.
[00:00:56] Right?
[00:00:57] But this is not about being nice.
[00:00:59] Judging a book by its cover is a psychological shortcut and it's quietly shaping your decisions, your relationships, your confidence and growth way more than you give it credit. You do not just judge other people by their covers, you judge yourself by that one, too. This is where it gets interesting. Why do we do this?
[00:01:29] Like, from a brain perspective, judging quickly is efficient. Your brain is like its job is to predict, it's to keep you safe, but it's not always accurate. So it categorizes in like a super fast speed, friend or threat, competent or incompetent, safe or risky, like me or doesn't like me. And this is called thin slicing. The brain's ability to make rapid judgments based on really limited information. When you think about it from an evolutionary perspective, this used to be useful.
[00:02:11] Quick judgments helped us survive when there was a saber toothed tiger on the other side of that bush.
[00:02:20] The problem is what keeps you safe does not always help you grow.
[00:02:29] Growth requires one of my core values, which is curiosity.
[00:02:34] Judgment, man. It shuts the door on curiosity.
[00:02:40] When you judge quickly, your brain stops gathering data. It's made up its mind. It already decides, it knows it. Like, that's what this is, which is efficient, but it's ridiculously limiting. And so let's look at where this shows up in real life.
[00:03:00] When you meet someone and instantly decide, not my kind of person, they would not get me.
[00:03:06] They're probably, I don't know, not very deep. Or they lack depth.
[00:03:12] Or you see someone confident and you assume they've had it easy, they got a big ego, they probably don't struggle like I do.
[00:03:20] Or you see someone quiet and assume they don't have much to say. They're super shy, they don't have confidence in themselves.
[00:03:27] None of those are facts. They're just stories that your brain just created between your two lovely Ears and stories shape behavior. Now let's go deeper on this. Judging others by their covers protects your identity.
[00:03:48] If you decide someone is not relevant, you don't have to learn from them.
[00:03:55] If you decide that that person at the mic or on the stage isn't credible, you don't have to be challenged.
[00:04:04] If you decide someone is not your people, you don't have to stretch.
[00:04:09] Judgment literally keeps you comfortable. And comfort does not expand your capacity, Your ability to flow and grow, it halts it. Let's flip the lens, because this is where growth gets blocked. You don't, don't just judge people, you judge possibilities.
[00:04:35] You look at opportunities and you decide, that's not for people like me. I'm not ready. People like me don't do that. I don't fit into that mold, that box.
[00:04:47] You judge yourself based on your age, your background, your experiences, how many certificates you got on the wall, your personality, your credentials, whatever you have, you, you're judging yourself, and then you opt out of opportunities and possibilities.
[00:05:04] You decide what kind of person does certain things. I talked about this in my most recent TEDx talk, which will be on YouTube soon. And so you decide what kind of person does certain things, and then you decide, I'm not that kind of person. I don't do that kind of thing.
[00:05:23] That is judging a book by its cover too.
[00:05:27] And so often, because we're real good at doing it at other people, we do it to ourselves so freaking often.
[00:05:34] And so psychologically, what this is called is self concept limitation. When your internal narrative that you got going on in your headspace restricts your behavior more than the truth, the reality ever could.
[00:05:53] You don't grow into new versions of yourself if you have already judged them as not. You judgment feels to the brain like clarity, but it reduces your capacity for learning at such a deep level.
[00:06:10] Curiosity, a lot of times can feel scary because it's uncertain. Like, there's no facts in curiosity, there's just an openness. But it expands our capacity.
[00:06:24] And the people who grow the most, they stay curious longer than they stay certain. Think of anybody who creates things that you just never even thought could be created. They have to be forever curious. They have to be forever innovative. And they're not always playing in the space of certainty.
[00:06:47] And so why does this even matter? Like, why am I talking about this on this podcast?
[00:06:54] Because it matters for confidence and growth. When you judge quickly, you're not testing assumptions.
[00:07:01] So your worldview, your perspective stays super tiny and super small.
[00:07:07] And when your worldview stays small, your Confidence becomes fragile because it's based on a limited known, a limited exposure, not through lived experience.
[00:07:22] Confidence isn't built by being right. It's built by being open enough to be wrong, to do it over and over, over again until you get it right. And then learning through that judgment, a lot of times is a defense because we're afraid of being judged. We're afraid of being inadequate.
[00:07:46] And so if you dismiss someone as not impressive, you don't have to compare yourself to them because you've already decided they're less than.
[00:07:54] Or if you dismiss somebody's idea at the boardroom table as not practical, you don't have to risk trying or being wrong with your own idea.
[00:08:04] Or if you dismiss something as not being realistic, something that, you know, maybe you're somebody who's entrepreneurial and you're going after the next dream, the next thing, and you're like, I could never do that, then you don't have to fail a lot of times. Publicly judgment in a lot of ways, protects our ego.
[00:08:22] But when I think about, you know, resilience and grit that's built through curiosity and the ability to be open to failing. And I think we really need to.
[00:08:34] Man, we need to change our definition of failure, especially when people do fail.
[00:08:40] Man, we're a bunch of butts when it comes to someone in the. Like, celebrities, especially, or like, anybody with. Man, just anybody I watch on social people. Social people. Yeah, I said that right. Social media people just slam others for failing. I'm like, man, failing is. That's the whole human experience. That's how you build grit. That's how you build resilience. If you knew how many times I failed today, I don't know if you'd listen to me anymore. That's the truth.
[00:09:07] So how. How do you stop judging books by their covers without becoming, you know, passive or naive or any of those things? Well, first, you need to slow down the story. For anything to become clear, we need to notice when it's happening. So notice the first narrative your brain creates.
[00:09:28] So when you say something like they're probably, or this won't fill in the blank, or that's not, boom, pause and ask yourself this question.
[00:09:41] What information am I missing? Because a lot of times we are missing a heck of a lot of information. That single question, guess what it does?
[00:09:49] Opens up the curiosity bank.
[00:09:52] Second, practice disconfirming evidence. So actively look for evidence that challenges your initial judgment. When you think someone isn't capable, ask a question. Look for the reason they are. When you Think something isn't for you for whatever reason, try a small blip of it, like just step into it, like in a micro lesson. And if you think you already know the answer, listen. Listen longer. You know, go to AI, go to Google Research, open up an encyclopedia, if anyone remembers what those are, and test and prove that maybe there's a piece you might be missing.
[00:10:30] Growth lives in the space where we play in curiosity and disconfirming so much, so much that is happening on our day to day. Because again, we don't grow by just listening and believing everything that happens in our head. We grow by being open to all the noise that's around us and being like, oh, I thought that meant X. It actually means yes. Cool, I now know something new.
[00:10:59] And then third, watch how you judge yourself when you're under stress or pressure. Because by nature, we default to old labels and old patterns, right? We'll say things like, I'm just bad at this. I'm not cut out for that. I'm not that kind of person.
[00:11:15] Those are covers, Those are facades. Those are old labels, old patterns. They are not absolutes, they are not truths. Because all of it is changeable.
[00:11:26] So ask yourself, is this who I am?
[00:11:30] Or is this who I've been? Or is this a label? I've just given myself the distinction between that matters and then finally this. Remember that judgment closes doors.
[00:11:46] It closes doors, it closes confidence, it closes the ability for growth.
[00:11:51] And curiosity opens them like a smooth engine.
[00:11:56] So, yeah, judgment, I suppose, in a lot of ways can keep you safe, but it also will keep you small.
[00:12:04] And curiosity helps you grow and evolve.
[00:12:09] And so the fastest way to outgrow yourself is not to become something that you're not. It's to stop deciding too early, too soon, too quickly who you are without giving yourself the opportunity to just see and then taking that same grace and doing it for others.
[00:12:33] I hope this landed with you. Comment below, tell me what you think, add to the conversation, and like always, I hope you have a freaking amazing day. Be happy, y'. All. Peace.
[00:12:44] Hey, thanks for listening to the Happy Stack podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a little extra happiness in their life. Let's keep stacking those wins together. See you next time.
