Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we explore the science and strategies behind creating a happier, more fulfilling life. I'm Terianne Richards and I partner with organizations to address the root causes of burnout, disengagement, and stress, equipping leaders and teams with the tools they need to thrive, both organizationally and personally. Each episode we dive into practical habits, insights, and strategies to help high performers like you level up from the inside out. Let's get stacking.
[00:00:34] Speaker B: Hey, friends, welcome back to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we talk about real growth, not toxic positivity, but all that messy, magical middle stuff. That journey of becoming who you were always meant to be.
Hopefully a happier version of that person.
Today I want to talk about fear.
Not the big scary movie kind of fear, but the quiet, sneaky, everyday fear that keeps you and me stuck. Quote that spoke to me today that kind of sparked the reason why I'm doing this episode.
It says, don't let the fear of what's ahead of you stop you from moving forward. The only way to conquer is to step through it.
And I thought through that. And I thought, ugh, that kind of hits you in the gut. And I want to unpack that a bit.
We've been taught that fear means potentially stop, danger, right? Red light, pause, exit.
But in a lot of the context of our today world, whether it's leadership, entrepreneurship, personal growth, fear doesn't always mean stop.
Sometimes it's a signpost. It's a signal that says, hey, things are different. You're about to do something different. It's a little unknown. We might grow, but we're also at risk of being seen, judged, doing it wrong, getting it wrong.
And so we pause. And sometimes we stop. Sometimes we become like, I certainly have in the past the ostrich with their head in the sand, right?
But that signal, that signpost that says all of those things is not a reason to halt. It's not a reason to freeze.
It is a reason, though, to move more authentically, move more with intention.
And the beauty of the stuff that I talk about is I like to geek out on this stuff. I like to look into, like, well, why is this right? You know? Cause sometimes things for me start as a gut instinct of, like, I think this is the right move. And then I go and Google it or use Perplexity AI or I, you know, back in the day, use Britannica for those of you who know, know.
But I want to back it up. What I'm saying is legit. And when I speak on this podcast, I'M speaking from, yes, experiences of my own crap. Experiences of working with my clients in the coaching realm. But also I'm speaking from my education and the research I've done. And so neuroscience backs this up, y' all. When we avoid fear inducing situations, we reinforce the amygdala, amyglias. Gosh darn it. I can never say that word out loud properly. Like, in my head, I got it. Like, I got it.
Like the orange is in the bag.
But when I try to say it to you, it's like my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. So let me try that. When we avoid the stuff that scares us, those situations, we reinforce the amygdala belief that the situation is dangerous. Look at me. I got it. Even when it's not. And so over time, that avoidance becomes our default nervous system strategy.
And guess what?
Avoidance doesn't make the scary thing go away. It just makes your world, my world, our world, smaller.
We have this habit of researching ourselves into readiness.
Hey, I should research how to start a business. The top 10 ways to give a TEDx talk the best Books for Finding youg Purpose.
But I could read that stuff. I can watch the YouTube videos, I can listen to TA's Happy Stack podcast. But you do not conquer fear by reading about it, watching it, or listening to it. You conquer fear by walking through it.
Dr. Susan Jeffers said it best in her book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.
The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow.
Like, hear that in your head for a second and then feel it in your gut. The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow. So the only way for fear to go away is for you to stop growing. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to stop growing and evolving and iterating myself and becoming a better version of me.
So the question is not how do I stop feeling fear and being afraid. The question is, can I keep walking with fear? Being my buddy bud right there to the left of me, or maybe on the right, wherever you want to put fear.
Courage is not something that you are born with, right? It is something that is built. It's a muscle.
And here's what happens when you take action. When you do the thing, take the steps. Left step, right step, left step, right step, left step, right step. Do the next right thing. Despite fear, your prefrontal cortex, your decision making center overrides the amygdala, which is the fear response.
You have dopamine that's released which is the reward chemical, which reinforces y' all brave behavior.
And over time, this builds a neural feedback loop that makes courage easier. Like, if I were to put this in the most simplest terms, it's like when I started to go and lift weights and I went to the gym and I listed, you know, lifted a five pound weight, and I was like, holy crap, this mother trucker is heavy. Right?
And then I continued to do that behavior, do those actions, and over time, it became easier. I could lift heavier things.
That same sort of process happens in our brains when we take the action, even though we're freaking afraid.
It reinforces I can do hard things.
I can move with action, with momentum, even when I'm afraid.
Literally, the more often you walk through the fear, the more your brain gets wired to say, hey, we do hard things. That's part of our identity now. And those hard things, well, they start to become less scary, less heavy, less defining.
I want to get personal for a second here. There have been seasons in my life, even up until this moment right here, where fear has paralyzed me.
The fear of failing, the fear of being alone, the fear of being misunderstood.
The fear of outgrowing people that I cared about, that I loved.
But every single pivotal shift in my life, every success, every transformation, every breakthrough happened.
I know, you know, the end of this happened.
On the other side of walking through that fear, the fear never fully left. I did not ever do something and be like, get it, get it. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm still afraid. Before I get up on a stage in front of thousands of people, five minutes before I get on stage, I'm like, why do I do this?
And then I get on the stage and I'm good.
But what did happen as I started to move through fear?
Even when I was afraid of, you know, jumping out of that plane, I did years ago, 10,000ft in the air, just jumping out of a plane, the fear was never gone. But what happened over time is my faith got louder. And I'm not talking about God faith. Although if you're the lover of God, this is part of that. But this is just faith. Faith in yourself, confidence in your abilities that you're gonna make the next right move. And even if you fall on your assets, that might be a lesson you need to learn that's going to make you stronger and better for the next one. You need to have faith in who you are and what you stand for.
And when I got that faith and that faith got louder, so did my desire to live a Life that felt more authentic, more like me, more mine. Not one that was shaped by other people's critiques, other people's comfort zones, other people's judgments, other people's experiences where they fail. But maybe I might not fail this one.
Or if I do fail, it'll be my failure to have right?
So whether you're leading a team, a company, or just your own life, fear is going to show up at every new level. Every time that you are pushing past your own invisible lid, you are going to feel fear.
And it is a sign of growth and it is a sign of leadership.
The difference is this, bad leaders, people who don't really want to see themselves grow, wait until the fear disappears. But remember what we said, the fear only disappears when you stop growing. Real leaders, people who really want to take themselves to the next level, move despite the fear.
Gallup research shows that the number one trait that employees want in a leader is, is trustworthiness.
And guess what builds trust.
Consistency under pressure, clarity in the uncertainty, and yes, even courage in the face of fear.
So walking through fear is not just a personal thing. This is why everything I talk about is inside out leadership. It is a leadership edge to learn how to move through the crappy stuff, the icky stuff, the scary stuff, the fearful stuff.
So I want to ground this in with a few micro practices that you can start to implement. Because you know I'm all about the thrive approach and this is where we start to integrate it.
So a micro action that you could start is to choose one small thing this week that scares you and just do it anyway. I know you knew I was going to say that. Not a big leap. This is like not going to the gym and lifting the 50 pound weight. This is lifting 3 pound weight first.
But what could you do that's like a ten second act of courage?
Maybe it's gonna be speaking up in a meeting, sharing your opinion, your thoughts.
Maybe it's gonna be posting something real and vulnerable and authentic on LinkedIn. Maybe it's literally booking the dentist appointment that you've been avoiding. Truth. A lot of people are afraid of the dentist, okay? I'm not afraid of the dentist until they wanna drill something and then I'm petrified and I wanna leave. Okay? And then when the fear shows up, I want you to do a body scan. I want you to ask yourself, where do you feel this? And I want you to give breath to that space. Again, this is not me being woo woo, because I am not a woo woo person.
But there is science. There is data to back up this stuff. So just follow me. Remind your nervous system that you are safe, that you are capable, and that you can do hard things. And then, when necessary, reframe the voice inside of you. I call my inner voice my little inner critic, Big Bertha. That's who mine is. So you can name yours if you'd like. I talk about that in my book, Success Takes Courage. But instead of saying, I'm scared, try saying, well, this matters to me. Because maybe it does matter to you. And that's why you're afraid, right? Because fear is often a sign of meaning and purpose, and it shows that you might be close to something when you're afraid.
So my nudge to you is this.
Whatever you've been putting off, not because it's wrong, but because it's scary.
I want you to take that next right step.
You don't have to feel brave.
You just have to be willing to move through the fear and kind of do it anyway. Because on the other side of that fear, that's where, typically, your next breakthrough lives. That's where that next lid, if you will, gets broken through, and you get to look at your life trajectory through a different lens.
And maybe sometimes fear isn't the problem, but comfort is.
I'm going to leave you with this.
There's this story about this dog who's sitting on a porch, and I'm going to call the gentleman who's on the porch, Bob. And Bob's friend Hank comes up on the porch, and he's hanging out. And as they're trying to have a conversation, all of a sudden, this lovely golden retriever starts whining. So he's whining, and Hank looks above and says, what's your dog?
And he goes, oh, that old boy.
He's sitting on a nail, because sitting on a nail, why doesn't he move? He goes, I guess the pain isn't bad enough.
And that's the last part I want to leave with you. Sometimes it's not the things we're afraid of, it's that we've become too comfortable in the spaces and places we're sitting. And even though, I don't know, change might be scary and there's some fear attached to it, we just stay there. We stay on the nail. We stay in the spots that are icky and not comfortable because it's comforting, because it's what we've always known. I hope you have an amazing week. And if this stirred something up with you, pass it on, share it with your friends. Your peers, your leaders, your founders, and send me a message to let me know what you thought.
Have a great day.
[00:14:25] Speaker A: Hey, thanks for listening to the Happy Stack Podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a little extra happiness in their life. Let's keep stacking those wins together. See you next time.
