Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Terri-Ann: Welcome to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we explore the science and strategies behind creating a happier, more fulfilling life. I'm Terri-Ann Richards and I partner with organizations to address the root causes of burnout, disengagement, and stress, equipping leaders and teams. With the tools they need to thrive both organizationally and personally.
[00:00:23] Terri-Ann: Each episode we dive into practical habits, insights, and strategies to help high performers like you level up from the inside out. Let's get stacking. Hey, hey. Welcome back to the Happy Stack. I'm your host, Terri-Ann Richards, and today we're digging into something that sounds. Soft, but might just be your biggest lever for growth, resilience, and sanity.
[00:00:52] Terri-Ann: It's human connection. Now, before you roll your eyes or skip ahead, just stay with me for a second because this isn't about, I don't know. What do they call that? Kumbaya moments. And Team building trust falls actually did that when I was in Army cadets years ago. Like put my hands on my shoulders and fell backwards hoping that the people would catch me and they thought it was funny and they didn't.
[00:01:19] Terri-Ann: So team building trust falls. Mm-hmm. Don't do them. Okay. I digress. This is about this topic on human connection. This is about science and leadership and about. Why working alone and thinking alone, and maybe even living alone, can quietly erode your potential. So let's rewind back to 2020 for a second. At first, remote work felt like freedom, right?
[00:01:50] Terri-Ann: Sweatpants, no commute, zoom, fatigue, memes. But under all of that novelty. Was a growing ache. The research proves it. According to a 2021 study by the American Psychological Association, two thirds of adults reported an increased social isolation during the pandemic. That loneliness wasn't just emotional, right?
[00:02:21] Terri-Ann: It was physical. It was this idea of it was the prolonged isolation that, quite frankly, is linked to the same risks as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So let us sit with you for a second. Sitting in isolation, in our own thoughts in our own homes, sort of alone for too long, has the same health risks as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
[00:02:47] Terri-Ann: We're social animals, not in the, I like to go to big parties kind of way, but I grow when I am witnessed kind of way. Right? Because when we connect. Truly connect with others. We get feedback, we build empathy, we expand our perspectives, but when we're alone, we sort of spiral in the echo chambers of our own thoughts.
[00:03:12] Terri-Ann: And so that voice in your head, it starts to get really loud when there's no one else around to challenge it, right? So here's the thing, working remotely is not the enemy. Remote teams can be ridiculously effective. Heck, some of the most innovative companies in the world are fully remote, but there is a difference.
[00:03:34] Terri-Ann: Remote isn't the same as isolated, right? It's not about being in the same Slack channel. It's about creating intentional spaces for real interaction. Curiosity banter, support, vulnerability, and I guess we could call them curated collisions, right? Like spontaneous brainstorming calls or weekly non-work check-ins.
[00:04:02] Terri-Ann: I miss water cooler talk or even virtual coworking where the cameras are on, but you just do the deep work. I host these every couple of weeks called accountability calls. So you're working maybe virtually side by side, but you may be still in a remote space, right? And those moments, those are what keep remote teams human.
[00:04:25] Terri-Ann: So take Automatic. It's a company behind WordPress. They're famously distributed, so they basically have people in over 70 countries. Then they'll fly teams out for meetups. They actually budget for travel because they know that those shared moments build trust that a slack thread potentially can't.
[00:04:49] Terri-Ann: Right. So let's talk about the sneaky superpower That sort of makes all of this a little bit easier and it's curiosity. Curiosity is, it's what turns surface level interactions into real ones. I dunno about you, but people probably think, I like to network. I don't, I don't like to network because most of the time people stick at surface level shit.
[00:05:13] Terri-Ann: I hate surface level shit. I wanna go deep. I wanna know who you are. I wanna know more about what makes you light up, what you are trying to do to make impact. What's your ambitions, your goals? What keeps you up at night? Who do you love? Why do you love it? What's your favorite book? And so curiosity is what turns those surface level conversations into something that has.
[00:05:37] Terri-Ann: Depth. And so instead of asking somebody, you know, what do you do? Or How was your weekend? Ask them, you know, what's lighting you up lately? Outside of work or at work? What's a big project you've been working on? What's something you've changed your mind about in the last year? And I know when you first do this, it's gonna feel really weird.
[00:05:56] Terri-Ann: And kind of like awkward, because that's not what we do in society, but it's how you move from small talk, which is surface level bull crap, to real talk, which gives you depth and true connection. And we just said isolation and lack of connection is like 15 cigarettes a day. So. It's also great for your health to go into more depth with people, right?
[00:06:19] Terri-Ann: And studies show this, that people who ask more questions, especially follow up questions, so also this shows that you're listening to somebody, right when you are asking questions and they answer, and then you actually are coming up with. Further questions to bring more depth to that original questions.
[00:06:37] Terri-Ann: But studies show that people who ask more questions, the follow-up ones especially, are rated as more likable and trustworthy and likable and trustworthy usually leads to promotions, better business deals. So curiosity builds bridges and bridges build belonging. And so even if you just said, tell me more about that, it can shift a conversation completely.
[00:07:00] Terri-Ann: So I wanna get real for a second. So many of us, especially leaders, high performers, solopreneurs, the ambitious type, we're pretty good at doing it alone, right? We tell ourselves that we should be able to handle it and figure it out and push through, but isolation isn't strength, right? It's like one of the quickest ways.
[00:07:22] Terri-Ann: To stall your growth, right? Like when you live in your own four walls, you think you're doing it all and you're doing it all great, but there's so much potential and probability to that potential if you were to open up the walls and allow others to come in. And the longer you stay connected, well, the more normal it starts to feel, right.
[00:07:44] Terri-Ann: You convince yourself that it's efficient or it's effective, and you know, it's fewer distractions, less drama, all of that bull crap that we tell ourselves. But what you're really doing is you're just, you're cutting back the potential for feedback, encouragement, challenge, and fresh ideas. You are literally becoming the only voice in your head.
[00:08:06] Terri-Ann: And that voice, if it's unchecked, well, it can be dangerous, right? So if you are listening to this and you're realizing like, damn, maybe I've been flying solo low, just a little too hard and a little too long, you're not alone, and here's what I know. You don't need more people, right? Like we don't need a hundred friends, right?
[00:08:27] Terri-Ann: You just need more intentional, meaningful moments with a select group of people. And so here's some challenges for you. Reach out to one person this week that you haven't talked to in a while. Not for a favor, just to say, Hey, what have you been up to? And see where that goes. Schedule a curiosity copy, 15 minutes, one question, no agenda, and just go deep with someone.
[00:08:53] Terri-Ann: And funny if you've ever done your, I'm a big believer in doing the work in core values, understanding what you stand for, 'cause that kind of dictates how you show up in everything you do. One of my core values is curiosity. I actually have it on a sticky note, and if you're watching this video, you can see this, but I have it on a sticky note and curiosity the way I ask myself the question.
[00:09:13] Terri-Ann: On a day-to-day basis is, am I staying open to learning and exploring new perspectives today? Because I don't wanna get stuck in my own perspective for too long. 'cause let's be clear, if you know me and you know me well, I'm stubborn. I'm kind of stuck sometimes in my own ways and I have to purposely. Put my curiosity hat on, if you will, to make sure that I am exploring new perspectives on a day-to-day basis so that I'm open to other folks' worldviews and other ways of doing things, right?
[00:09:44] Terri-Ann: Like they say, there's more than a few roads to roam, so schedule a curiosity coffee and hey, this might even be fun, right? And we talk a lot of politics lately, but talk to somebody who has potentially a different. Idea and belief system as you. And don't go in there to be right. Go in there to learn and to be curious, because there always is a reason why people believe what they believe.
[00:10:04] Terri-Ann: And if you're just open to it, you'll build stronger connection. You won't feel so isolated, and you'll get to that place where you actually learn about things that if you stay closed off and in your own four walls, you wouldn't have the ability to do that. And if you lead a team. Create a space for check-ins that go way behind work.
[00:10:23] Terri-Ann: Ask better questions, model that behavior and actually normalize it because man, that's where loyalty comes in in organizations, right? When you feel like you are a part of the system, you are a part of the culture. You're not just a body in a seat doing a thing, you are a body in a seat doing a thing that feels apart.
[00:10:44] Terri-Ann: Of the air. Well, you only do that when you go through more depth than just that surface level crap. Right? And if you're really brave. Maybe join something, like do something different, like join a new group or go to a new networking function or I don't know, take a new craft or something. Like don't just work in your business, grow with others.
[00:11:08] Terri-Ann: Sometimes outside of business settings, 'cause that's where like the greatest stuff happens. So in closing, I guess what I would say is connection is not soft, it is strategic. Curiosity is not a cutesy thing to be. It's critical for your growth. It's critical for becoming a more well-rounded human. And if the pandemic has taught us anything, it's this, that you and I, we can survive in isolation, but we don't thrive there.
[00:11:40] Terri-Ann: Remember, it's about the equivalent of 15 cigarettes a day, so stay curious. Make the call and be the person who like puts your hand up and goes first, right? Because growth doesn't happen in a vacuum. It happens in conversations. Hey, thanks for listening to the Happy Stack podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe.
[00:12:05] Terri-Ann: Leave a review and share it with someone who could use a little extra happiness in their life. Let's keep stacking those wins together. See you next time.
