Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Welcome to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we explore the science and strategies behind creating a happier, more fulfilling life. I'm Terianne Richards, and I partner with organizations to address the root causes of burnout, disengagement, and stress, equipping leaders and teams with the tools they need to thrive, both organizationally and personally. Each episode we dive into practical habits, insights, and strategies to help high performers like you level up from the inside out. Let's get stacking.
[00:00:34] Welcome back to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we challenge hustle culture, redefine high performance, and help you build a life that actually feels good. You know, the kind of life where you want to wake up and you get some pep in your step. Anyway, I'm your host, Teriann Richards, also known as the Happiness Architect. I gave myself that name, FYI. And today we're unpacking a a deceptively simple question.
[00:01:03] Why worry?
[00:01:05] Now, before you roll your eyes and say, well, obviously because life is stressful and chaotic and unpredictable, hear me out.
[00:01:15] Because if you're a high performer, a business owner, a team leader, or quite frankly, a human, you are trying assumptively to do your best.
[00:01:27] This episode here is going to hit home.
[00:01:30] So let's start with a quote. Why worry if you've done the very best you can, worrying won't make it any better. Walt Disney sounds comforting, but how often do we actually live this way, right?
[00:01:44] Most of us worry after the work is done, after the meeting, after the hard conversation, after the decision.
[00:01:53] We lay in bed, ruminating the scene, rerunning it over and over like a hamster wheel to figure out and critique everything we said, every facial expression, every tone, every word choice, like it's game tape. Like we're practicing for, you know, one of the big.
[00:02:12] I'm not a sports person, y'. All. So one of the big football games. What's it called? What is that football game called?
[00:02:20] The halftime. No, that's the show. That's the part of the show that I watch. Super Bowl. So sorry. I really did know that. FYI. I do like a little bit of the football.
[00:02:31] Mostly that part. So here's what's wild. Studies show that over 85% of what we worry about never actually happens. This is from research from Robert Leahy. He is the author of the Worry Cure. And even more than that, for the 15% of worries that do come true, 79% of people say that they handled it better than they actually expected or that the outcome wasn't as bad as they thought.
[00:02:58] So what does that tell Us worry is not protective, but it is expensive, right? Worry triggers your stress response. It increases cortisol. The same system designed to save your life from a lion on the savannah, but instead of lions, it's on read emails, looming client deadlines, or your kids awkward school presentation, right? Here's what happens to your body with that stress response. Cortisol spikes your heart rate, elevates your digestion, slows your focus starts to narrow, but not in a good way, not in the way that we would want.
[00:03:39] And the long term worry is linked to higher risk of heart disease, insomnia, weight gain, depression and even memory loss.
[00:03:48] A study in 2023 out of the University of Rochester found that chronic worry is directly linked to reduced REM sleep, the exact type of sleep that we need for emotional regulation and problem solving.
[00:04:04] And guess what? Lack of REM makes us more reactive the next day. So guess what we do? We worry more. And it's like a loop. And like all loops, you need to figure out what's the freaking exit, right?
[00:04:19] And if you're someone who is a perfectionist, you're used to excellence. You lead, you care deeply, you push hard, you hustle. Worry can sometimes feel like a checkbox, like due diligence, right? You tell yourself, if you care, I should worry if I want to get better. Well, I need to replay this. I need to ruminate. I need to make sure I figure out where my weaknesses are. If I drop the ball, the cost is too high. But the truth is, reflection is productive, but rumination is not. And sometimes we get them twisted. Reflection has purpose, right?
[00:04:59] Rumination just burns energy. It wastes time, it burns fuel. And in coaching rooms, corporate workshops, I see this all the freaking time. Brilliant people stuck in paralysis because they confuse worry with responsibility. They confuse vigilance with leadership. The reframe here is you are most responsible when you have done your best, taken aligned action, and then you let it go.
[00:05:32] It's not giving up, it's trusting the process. And that's how we become more emotionally mature.
[00:05:39] That reflection, not rumination, is where we become responsible for the next learning curve, for the next growth phase, right? So what I'm asking you here is learning the skill of letting go, of not staying in that hamster trap on that rumination wheel and worrying about all the potential odds or what we could have done differently.
[00:06:05] Letting go is not passive, it is active energy redirection. And the question here is, well, what would you do with the energy that maybe on a day to day basis you are currently spending and the operative word here is spending on worry. Because there's only three ways that you can really utilize time. You can invest it, you can spend it, or you can waste it. And I would even say that worrying is spending and wasting. It's certainly not an investment because here's what I know. Worry doesn't make you be a better worker. It doesn't make you be a better leader. Worry doesn't make you better at the thing, but practice does, right? Worry doesn't make people like you more, but being your authentic self and walking into the room confident with what that is does.
[00:06:59] Worry does not protect your future, but planning does, strategy does, resilience does, reflection does.
[00:07:11] So what if instead of reviewing the replay for the 10th time, for ruminating on all the things that you legit can't fix, you chose to give yourself grace, or you chose to reflect and document what the lessons are, or if it literally is something that just is, it just is what it is. You choose to go for a walk or call a friend or to just trust that. The fact is, is you showed up in the best version of yourself in that moment, at least for now. And on a go forward basis, you can do it differently. Right?
[00:07:50] So what I want to do is make this tactical. The next time that you catch yourself in post action worry, run it through this.
[00:08:00] It's the check three framework.
[00:08:03] Number one is control.
[00:08:05] Is this in my control? So whatever happened, whatever you're worrying about, whether you're going backwards or forward, is it in your control? Is it something that you had the ability to adjust the sales on 2 capacity?
[00:08:21] Have I done what I can with the energy I have?
[00:08:25] Sometimes the things that go wrong or the things that will go wrong are a lot more to do with all the things we said yes and also the things we didn't say no to.
[00:08:34] Have you done what you can with the energy, the space, the breath that you have? How's your capacity? Right. And lastly three, compassion. Can I extend kindness to myself in this moment?
[00:08:50] I think all too often we are harder on ourselves in different situations than we ever would be to somebody in our circle if they were going through that same experience in that same moment. And I think that's really a reality check to be like, you know, I need to learn to be compassionate and give myself grace and extend that kindness to myself as well as equal to doing it for other people.
[00:09:20] And so as you go through that check three framework, control, capacity and compassion.
[00:09:26] If the answer to one is no to two is yes and you still feel uneasy It's a moment for you to reflect and go, okay, this might be something I need to let go, right? And I do know, like, elephant in the room. I know that this is easier said than done. I know that. I get it because I'm there with you in the trenches on a regular basis. The stuff that I speak to and preach to is literally the stuff that I coach my clients, but equally may struggle throughout a month with it. And I need to kind of put the mirror up to myself as well. So my request to you, my challenge to you, this micro practice that you could try this week, is every evening, ask yourself one simple question.
[00:10:10] Did you show up with intention today? Did you show up in your authentic self today? And if yes, put the day to rest. If you want to pull out a journal and write down what the lessons are, absolutely do it. But do not. For the love of all peaches and apples, do not sit there and ruminate of shoulda, couldas and wouldas because it didn't happen that way. But we could totally do it different tomorrow.
[00:10:37] And then with that, let it go.
[00:10:42] Worry is not us loving ourselves. Worry does not make us more happy. Worry doesn't show care. Worry doesn't show effort. It is a leak of energy. And if you have done your best, I mean, truly, honestly done your freaking best, then let enough be enough for today. You can always adjust the sales tomorrow. But tonight you deserve to rest. You deserve peace. You deserve to not have your brain work all the time, not get your sleep, not get your REM sleep because you're afraid that you did it wrong, that they're judging you of not being perfect.
[00:11:20] I want us to stop acting like that kind of anxiousness should be wrapped up with ambition. It does not need to be that way.
[00:11:30] Let's not confuse that. Stress needs to just be a part of the equation. When we're building out strategy on big things, it does not need to be that way. What we need to learn is to pace ourselves. We need to learn presence and we need to learn peace. And we need to recognize when we have done enough, when enough is enough, and then build the happiness from there. Thank you so much for listening today and I hope you have a wonderful freaking week.
[00:11:59] Peace.
[00:12:01] Hey, thanks for listening to the Happy Stack podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a little extra happiness in their life. Let's keep stacking those wins together. See you next time.
