Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we explore the science and strategies behind creating a happier, more fulfilling life. I'm Teriann Richards and I partner with organizations to address the root causes of burnout, disengagement and stress. Equipping leaders and teams with the tools they need to thrive, both organizationally and personally. Each episode we dive into practical habits, insights and strategies to help high performers like you level up from the inside out. Let's get stacking.
[00:00:34] Speaker B: You know that hit you get when you finish something big? The deal gets signed, the launch goes live, the revenue hits, the client says yes. The inbox hits zero. For a moment you feel frickin unstoppable, right? And then it's gone and you're already chasing the next thing.
Now, you might call it drive or you might call it ambition, but let's call it what it actually really is for a lot of us. Achievement, addiction.
[00:01:07] Speaker A: Today's episode is about breaking the high.
[00:01:09] Speaker B: Performance high and learning how to root your worth in who you are, not just in what you do.
So I want to get real. You cannot sit still without checking your phone, right? You feel guilt when you're not being productive, right? You finish a project and you feel empty, not proud.
You hit a goal and within minutes you are setting another frickin goal.
Any of this sound familiar?
This is not just the hustle, it's not just the grind, and it's not just motivation.
It is actually a neurochemical loop. And. And for many high achievers, it's become the only way to feel alive. So what am I saying when I say that you're not chasing success, you're chasing a feeling. And if you never feel done, never feel enough, no matter how much you achieve, that, my friends, is not drive. It's not motivation, it's dependency. I want to break down the neuroscience here.
Achievement triggers a hit of dopamine, right? Most of us know that that is your brain's feel good neurotransmitter that you get a spark when, I don't know, you check off a task. Like I literally am the kind of person when I have a task list in front of me, if I do something that wasn't on the task list, I write it on the task list just to check it off. I hope I'm not the only one that does that. But why do I do that? Because I get a hit of dopamine, right? You get a spark when you get external validation, like, you look good. That was a great project. Like congrats.
When you cross the Finish line in a sport or whatever it is that you're doing when you hit a milestone, right? But here's the problem.
Dopamine is fast, it's addictive, and it's also temporary. And over time, just like any other high that's out there, you need more to feel less.
So this is how high performers fall into this trap. Big wings stop feeling big anymore, right?
Small wins don't even register at all. And the in between feels like failure. And so we get stuck in this cycle of spike, crash, chase over and over and over again.
And this is why rest, a lot of times for high performers feels uncomfortable. It's like why slowing down kind of feels like an icky withdrawal. Because when you're not achieving, you don't know who you are, right? So I want to go deeper. At its core, this is not a productivity problem. It is an identity problem.
When our value is tied to what we produce, our self worth lives outside of us. And that's dangerous, right? It means that your confidence depends on outcomes and the peace that you feel with yourself in your life. It depends on how well you perform.
And that means then your mood depends on metrics.
You only feel worthy when you're in the winning, which means the moment something falls, when it fails, when it slows down or just plateaus, you start to spiral. Because you don't just fear failure, you fear losing yourself in it, right? I want to hit you with some real Talk. There are 7 signs you are dealing with achievement addiction.
So one would be you downplay any wins immediately. Like, wasn't that big of a deal, right? Number two, you can't celebrate without thinking about what's next.
Number three, you struggle with hobbies unless they are monetized or you feel like they're productive.
Number four, you overwork even when you're sick or you're exhausted.
Number five, it's the big one. You avoid rest because it feels like laziness.
Number six, you tie your mood to your output. And number seven, you feel lost when you're not achieving something.
I have literally lived every single one of these, and so have about 90% of the leaders I coach.
This is not a flaw within your character. It is literally a conditioned identity. And the good news is you can unlearn it, right?
So if you want a grounded sense of self, you need to build identity wholeness.
That means you know your worth before the outcome. You can feel joy even in the stillness. You can rest without guilt. And you no longer need to prove anything to anyone, including yourself.
This is not about like losing your ambition, right? Like I like being an ambitious human. But this is about reclaiming your power from it. Right? Because you can still strive, but from a place of wholeness, not from hunger. Right. I want to get, I guess, practical, if you will. Here's how you can start to put this into like a tactical format and break the loop for yourself.
So number one would be to name your narrative.
A lot of times we have these beliefs that we're carrying, right? Like I'm only worthy if I'm productive. Slowing down means I'm falling behind.
If I'm not winning, I'm not valuable. One of the most important elements of emotional intelligence is self awareness. And so this is how you start to disrupt that loop is to name that narrative. What is it that you're carrying? Number two would be to celebrate with a pause. So every time you complete something that was on your goal list that is meaningful, I want you to pause.
Do not rush into the next thing. Let your nervous system embrace and feel the win for, I don't know, give it a few days. And I know that sounds silly when I say this because the research says like 60 seconds, but I'm giving you, I'm saying let's sit in it for days. If you achieve something great, feel the freaking win. Tell some people, post about it on social media, tell your family, write about it.
An achievement book. Why? Because I want your nervous system to embrace that. Right. Number three, create non productive joy.
So pick something that brings you joy, but there's no outcome attached. So this could be something like painting or biking, walking, reading. And as I'm saying that I'm like biking. Well, not like I have to bike five kilometers or walking. I have to do it for 30 minutes. Just do, do it for the sake of doing it.
And so anything that you can do that brings joy to you and does not feed that hustle loop will build this pleasure tolerance that you can feel good without achievement. Okay? Number four, detach self worth from numbers.
Track your value in human metrics, not just performance ones. So these questions need to be tweaked to be more in alignment with what you value. But here's some thoughts to throw at you and then you can tweak them at your will. So one could be like, did I show up with my integrity today?
Did I support somebody? Did I listen to myself?
Let those define your success metrics in addition to all the other stuff that you have as metrics and KPIs for yourself.
Value the human side of you number five, use a mantra to anchor wholeness. So here is one that I absolutely love.
I am not what I do.
I am who I am becoming.
Say it in the quiet moments and then let that root in. And if you really want to pile this on, go into the bathroom, you know, open up the. I don't know what that thing is that you bring down. You look in a mirror when you're in a car. Why can't I think of what that's called? But whatever, you know what I mean? Bring that down. Look yourself in the eye and say to yourself, I am not what I do. I am who I am becoming.
So you're allowed to be proud of what you've built. But don't forget to build you in the process.
Because the world does not need more burnt out achievers.
It needs grounded leaders, whole humans. People who can model what it looks like to win without losing themselves along the way.
You, my friends, do not need to prove your worth because you were already born with it.
And once you get that, you can stop chasing and you can start choosing your challenge this week. Pick one moment each day to pause before you push. Whether it's after a task, a client win, or just a good meal.
Pause. Feel it. Breathe it in. Train your system to feel safe without the chase.
Because this is how we build identity, wholeness. This is how we rewrite the addiction, and this is how we stack something real. I'm Terry Ann and I will see you in the next episode.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: Hey, thanks for listening to the Happy Stack podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a little extra happiness in their life. Let's keep stacking those wins together. See you next time.
