Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Welcome to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we explore the science and strategies behind creating a happier, more fulfilling life. I'm Teriann Richards and I partner with organizations to address the root causes of burnout, disengagement and stress, equipping leaders and teams with the tools they need to thrive, both organizationally and personally. Each episode we dive into practical habits, insights, and strategies to help high performers like you level up from the inside out. Let's get stacking.
[00:00:34] Have you ever walked into a room full of people and still felt completely alone?
[00:00:40] Ever hit a big goal, crushed the metric, led the team and still felt hollow?
[00:00:47] Today's episode is for the leaders, the founders, the high achievers, the ones who are surrounded by people but are still starving for connection.
[00:00:59] And today we're talking about something that nobody wants to admit, but that there is a loneliness that comes with leadership. And I wanna kind of hit that pause button and break the silence.
[00:01:14] Welcome back to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we challenge toxic success, culture, burnout, glamour, and the lie that happiness is a reward you unlock after you've earned it. I'm your host, Terian Richards, and this episode might feel a little heavier than usual, but I promise you, it's the kind of truth that frees you. Because behind every overwhelmed, over functioning leader that I've ever coached, there's almost always a deeper story.
[00:01:44] And it's typically one of disconnection.
[00:01:47] So we are currently in the middle of a loneliness epidemic. And no, I am not exaggerating.
[00:01:54] According to Cigna's most recent research, over 58% of adults report feeling lonely. But among executives and entrepreneurs, that number climbs even higher.
[00:02:08] A 2023 Harvard Business Review piece found that 50% of CEOs report feelings of loneliness. And of that group, 61% say it negatively affects their performance.
[00:02:22] So here's the kicker. High performers are the least likely to admit they're lonely. And why is that? Well, because loneliness is kind of seen as awkward. And it's maybe a weakness, because we've been told that humans in general, but especially leaders, have to have it all together.
[00:02:41] Because when you're the one making the calls, carrying the load, wearing the mask, there is no space to say, I don't feel seen.
[00:02:51] And I want to make a distinction here.
[00:02:53] Loneliness is not about the number of people around you.
[00:02:57] It's about the quality of your connections. You can be in a team meeting, at a network event, at a dinner table and still feel emotionally isolated.
[00:03:10] And that's what so many leaders do not recognize, that we have been optimized for performance.
[00:03:16] But we have neglected belonging.
[00:03:20] We know how to be productive, we know how to be impressive.
[00:03:24] But we don't always know how to be honest, present and human with the people around us.
[00:03:33] So let me tell you what I'm seeing in my coaching all the time. The CEO who micromanages everything, often lonely. The founder who is addicted to overwork, a avoiding disconnection at home. The people pleasing leader who cannot seem to delegate, scared of losing the little connection they think they have.
[00:03:57] Loneliness doesn't always look like sadness.
[00:04:00] Sometimes it looks like over functioning, like trying to earn worth through work. Like the thing you do, like being the strong one so you don't have to feel the ick or feel the ache.
[00:04:15] And I mean, if I'm being honest, I've been there, right? Early in my entrepreneurial career, I remember hitting some pretty cool milestones. The kind of moment that would have felt to most like a success, like a victory.
[00:04:30] But I was sitting in my office and I was alone and I didn't really have a whole lot of people that I felt like I could pick up the phone and share it with.
[00:04:40] And I realized in that moment that this doesn't feel like success.
[00:04:46] It doesn't feel like a milestone when you do it in isolation, right?
[00:04:52] So I want to talk science for a second because I'm always playing into the neuroscience side, psychology side. I think it's important to have data to back up what I'm saying.
[00:05:02] Loneliness doesn't just hurt your heart, it literally shrinks parts of your brain tied to empathy and connection.
[00:05:10] So chronic loneliness, it increases your cortisol, it weakens your immune system, and it raises the risk of anxiety and depression.
[00:05:19] A 2015 meta analysis by Brigham Young University found that loneliness is as damaging to physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Let that sink in for a second. And yet you and I, well, we rarely talk about this. We don't talk about it in the boardrooms, we don't talk about it at the water cooler or leadership trainings or any of the multitude of conferences we go to, or any of the entrepreneurship masterminds. We don't talk about the effects of loneliness in leadership, in professional settings, we just don't talk about it. It's taboo, right? And if you're a leader or a founder listening right now, I want to ask you the hard question.
[00:06:00] Who really knows you?
[00:06:02] Like, knows you? Not the version of you that delivers, performs, inspires, or saves the day. The you that's actually you. Because a lot of leaders confuse emotional intelligence with Emotional suppression. They think staying composed means staying connected, but it actually keeps you disconnected. True EQ means naming what's real and using it to build bridges, not walls. Then when I say naming what's real, it's like, what's going on in your world? Are you feeling like crap? Are you feeling lonely? Are you feeling like you don't have worth? Let's be clear, as leaders, we still feel imposter syndrome. And if you're lonely or any of those multitude of things, there's nothing wrong with you. It is sort of a signal to me to remind us that the culture and society around us is kind of designed to isolate us. And the more successful we get, the fewer people we typically have around us, that we feel safe enough to give our honest, true self our honest feedback to achieve and receive real support or that deep connection. And if any of this is landing with you, here are a few ways that you can start shifting it right now, this week, this month.
[00:07:24] Number one, audit your emotional ecosystem. Ask yourself who do you talk to about the hard stuff?
[00:07:30] And if that list is short, it may be your first clue to why you feel lonely.
[00:07:38] Number two, start with micro honesty. Sounds funny, but it's real. You don't need to be given the trauma dump y'. All. Like, you don't need to tell everybody everything that ever happened to you, but maybe just start being real in I like to call brave spaces.
[00:07:55] Hey, I'm feeling a little isolated lately. Do you wanna go for coffee or, hey, I could use some support. Can I run something by you? Right.
[00:08:05] Number three, find your peer group. Like, oh my gosh, not your staff, not your partner, but other people who are at your level. They're playing in the same spaces as you who get the pressure, they get the pace, and you don't need to impress them. That's why, you know, being a part of masterminds with like minded individuals who are playing at your level. You know, things like the Wallace McCain Institute, YPO. These are organizations where you can join and be immersed in a culture of people who get the crap you're going through.
[00:08:43] Right. There's another place for, you know, entrepreneurs who do consumer goods, healthy consumer goods. Like there's so many places that as leaders and entrepreneurs we can find and join where impact and empathy kind of live in unison.
[00:09:02] Number four, reconnect with yourself. Because loneliness isn't always about others.
[00:09:06] Sometimes we have abandoned our own inner voice so long that we don't even recognize it, right? Like we don't even notice it when it speaks. To us.
[00:09:19] So sometimes you need to be still.
[00:09:21] Whether that's journaling, going for a walk, prayer, therapy, whatever that doorway is for you.
[00:09:29] Reconnect with yourself.
[00:09:31] Because when you connect with yourself, it makes it easier for you to connect with other people.
[00:09:37] Number five, lead like a human, drop the frickin armor. Because the more you show up, not with all your baggage, but with your just authentic real self, like the kind of human that shows up flaws and all, I made a mistake, I messed up. I'm learning from it, I'm moving forward.
[00:09:57] Then the more space you create for for others to do the same, which means they will connect with you more deeper.
[00:10:02] And for anybody who's listening, like that's real leadership, that's real connection.
[00:10:07] So let me end with this. Loneliness is not a failure, but it is, in my opinion, a signal. It's not something that needs to be a forever.
[00:10:18] But if you are feeling it, just know this. The data shows that you're not alone. There's a lot of people feeling it, but you don't have to stay there, right? Reconnection, I think even coming like post pandemic. And I know like that's so long ago, but it's not that long ago, right? Reconnection is a skill and just like anything else, it can be built brick by brick, moment by moment, conversation by conversation, truth by truth. And I think it is in all of our best interests to lean in to being more in tune with who we are, being more in tune with our authentic self and giving people the opportunity to get to know us. Is everyone going to like us? Heck no. And that's okay. But there's going to be a lot of people who do. So if this episode cracks something open for you, share it with someone else who might be carrying a quiet weight. Tag them, text them, or just say like, hey, I thought of you. Because what I have learned in my own very mucky and complicated life is happiness is not found. It is built brick by brick, moment by moment, habit by habit. And sometimes it just starts by saying, you know what? Hey, I'm feeling that too.
[00:11:32] Thanks for listening. This is Teriann Peace.
[00:11:36] Hey, thanks for listening to the Happy Stack podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a little extra happiness in their life. Let's keep stacking those wins together. See you next time.
