Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Welcome to the Happy Stack Podcast, where we explore the science and strategies behind creating a happier, more fulfilling life. I'm Teriann Richards and I partner with organizations to address the root causes of burnout, disengagement, and stress, equipping leaders and teams with the tools they need to thrive, both organizationally and personally. Each episode we dive into practical habits, insights, and strategies to help high performers like you level up from the inside out. Let's get stacking.
[00:00:33] Welcome back to another episode of the Happy Stack Podcast. I'm your host, Terianne Richards, and I want to talk about something that I have noticed after years of working with the ambitious ones, high performers, the folks who, you know, are just doing the thing.
[00:00:50] People don't crack when things go wrong. They crack when too many things go right.
[00:00:56] Let me say that again. People don't crack when things go wrong. They crack when too many things go right without internal reinforcement.
[00:01:05] And what am I talking about here? I'm talking about when you have more opportunity, more responsibility, you got more visibility, you got more expectations, and suddenly life feels heavier, right? It's weighting you down, even though, you know, technically, quote, unquote, it's better, right? This is a capacity mismatch, and psychology calls this a role strain. This is when your internal resources lag behind the external demand.
[00:01:36] And for some odd reason, we try to fix this by doing more. We try to build more structure, put more discipline in place on our day to day. We try to optimize our day just a little bit more.
[00:01:50] But capacity doesn't expand through pressure. It expands through recovery and repetition and emotional honesty.
[00:02:02] Let's talk about emotional honesty for a second. Because, you know, in my coaching with leaders and high performers, this is typically where folks get a lot uncomfortable.
[00:02:14] Handling your life requires being honest about what actually drains you.
[00:02:20] Because I know that there's a lot of expectation on us, right? There's a lot of expectation on what we should be able to handle. Especially if you're looking to your peers or looking to your mentors and seeing, well, what they could do. There's a lot of times we'll think the same should be true for us. But each of us are unique and each of us are different. And so being honest about what actually drains you is, you know, being honest about not what should drain you, because there's that list of what should drain you, and then there's the list of what sounds reasonable. It's about creating a list of what actually cost you your energy.
[00:02:54] And for some people, that's decision making.
[00:02:57] And others, it could be, you know, unresolved conversations.
[00:03:02] And maybe it's the constant mental load of managing everybody else's emotions.
[00:03:08] The data that we're speaking about here is research on emotional labor shows that managing internal reactions cost more than physical work.
[00:03:19] Said differently is when you're trying to manage all of what's on the inside that actually cost you more than a day's work outside doing physical labor.
[00:03:32] So if you're constantly in self editing mode or self monitoring mode, or suppressing how you feel, your body, your mind is already working overtime.
[00:03:46] Handling your life means learning to speak sooner. It's about learning to decide with clarity, more cleaner. When I say cleaner, it's more like making a decision that's more concise and quicker, that helps you maintain and hold sacred your energy. And also it means, you know, to stop carrying things that aren't yours.
[00:04:15] And so this is why I say, like, handling your life is not about being tough. It's not about being strong. It's about clarity.
[00:04:22] Because clarity reduces friction, and that friction drains your capacity. And so by getting more clear on what it is that drains you, you can start to have more clarity on what you need to say. Yes, more to what you need to delegate, what you need to delete.
[00:04:42] And the thing that people miss here is that the people who have it together, they're not emotionally armored, they're emotionally literate. They know what they feel, they know why they feel it, and they don't punish themselves for it.
[00:04:58] So the goal here is to become more literate emotionally about your internal capacities.
[00:05:07] And there's a practical exercise that you can try this week.
[00:05:11] Ask yourself this question at the end of each day.
[00:05:14] What cost me my energy today? And why?
[00:05:19] Not what annoyed you? Not what went wrong, but what cost you your energy?
[00:05:25] Because what you'll notice, especially if you write this down in a journal, which I so encourage you to do, is that patterns will start to emerge, right?
[00:05:34] And this is where you get to build that capacity. That capacity is built through clarity of understanding your internal nuances.
[00:05:47] Because people don't crack when things go wrong.
[00:05:50] They crack when things go right without internal reinforcement. And the goal here is to build that internal reinforcement that is specific and is unique. And you have an amazing day, everybody. Until next time.
[00:06:07] Hey, thanks for listening to the Happy Stack podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a little extra happiness in their life. Let's keep stacking those wins together. See you next time.
